In sickness & ...what!?

I know, it's been eons since I last blogged, not for lack of material to write, or the time. Nope! I had plenty of both but lacked the motivation and honestly, putting sentence in things was not right coming. But I'm back, until I completely fall off my precariously pitched cliff top perch.

I have been sick lately. Yes, I know....Oh my God!! Me sick? A karate brown belt! Well, I have been, and let me tell you, it ain't fun. It has been years since I've been this ill, making me feel like I was going to die. As I writhed in the corner of my extendable bunk bed, I saw flashes of my short, extremely eventful life before me, as if the movie reel had come undone from its canister. I think I had divine visitations from people long dead and some not see in a while, so I don't know if they're dead or not. I heard voices of angels asking if I was alright, and of demons passing snide comments from afar. At one point the cold enveloped my fever wrecked body with such force, as if the hand of Death wanted to wring the life out of me. Every muscle fiber twisted into malicious knots of pain, that I couldn't imagine enduring anything worse. God, I hate having the flu!

As I lay curled up in a heap, hacking my lung out, it dawned on me that I was at my ugliest, not just in appearance, but in behavior, temperament, attitude, in my entirety. To put up with me when I’m normal, not sick and in relative good cheer is hard enough. I know, because I’ve had to put up with me. But when I exude detestability at its heights, I can be a challenge to the Gods, to put is very mildly. Who would want to take care of, let alone tolerate a female exponentially twisted form of Gollum? And in that brief moment of brightness in an otherwise blitzed out mind of mine, it hit me like gravity hits a falling apple…people who truly love me.

Now, don’t get all excited, those numbers are literally countable on the fingertips of less than two hands, of which only one person is not related to me by blood, and she lives half way across the world. This has put things, my value, as I interpret it, into perspective. For the longest time, I had invested my time, caring, love, and all rosy emotional things on people, who, when it came right down to it, didn’t give a rat’s ass if I lived or died as long as their purpose was served. But those who’ve been beside me with absolutely no expectation other than my well being and happiness, however few they maybe, are the ones who make me feel better about myself. It finally boils down to blood and true friendship being thicker than bonds forged of legalities or happenstance.

Now that I’m back to normal, which is a relative term, I have taken it upon myself to look after those I love, starting with me. Because at the end of our lives, we only remember the people who made it worthwhile, loved and protected us, in sickness and in all forms of body art!