The realization that this therapy, of my own device, is actually working, makes me proud that I've been able to achieve the goal I set out to conquer. Hold on!! before every one starts cussing me out for not finishing stories I've started, let me add that with events that have transpired and my own effort to change, I've made a conscious decision to bite my tongue and swallow blood! What the hell am I going on about?? The last couple of months have given me a horrific realization that I've been wasting my time dredging up my colorful past, and in the end, it's been more traumatic to go through each event again.
In addition, the slap in the face I got when my eldest had an accident, and had to undergo emergency surgery, woke me up to the fact that I've been wallowing in heaps of egotistical, often cynical and nearly always caustic crap from which I wanted freedom. I've never been so scared as I was when my child bled all over me and the only comfort I got was from knowing that it could happen to anyone....yeah right!! Ma, I'm truly sorry for all the horrendous acts of unintentional self-destruction and near fatal cardiac infarctions I've caused you. Yeah I finally got mine and knew instantaneously what you went through. But it was then, during the long wait outside the OT that I realized my focus had been on me....what an idiot!! I could have spent all that time with the few things that really mattered to me. It's a shame one needs a near death experience to realize what one's life is truly worth.
So, to all you readers, I apologize profusely for stopping the act before the climax, but this blog will hopefully take on a different outlook on my life....Oh I ain't stopping it, just changing the body to fit the new soul. Hope you stick with me.
Don't feel guilty. If you have decided to move on, that is great too. U are a great mom. But the sad fact is that we cannot be there everywhere our kids are. Please don't beat urself up about it. And this did not happen because u were going thru a bad phase and decided to vent out your frustrations. We all have the right to feel bad about stuff that we go thru.
ReplyDeleteOk. enuf of this lecture, I am gonna call u! :D
Oh! Hope its all well nw! Welcome bk :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for the words of encouragment. Yes, all heals well with time.
ReplyDeleteVery sad to hear abt ur eldest's accident. Hope she is well and in grt health.
ReplyDeleteSorry for this late visit.
Take care. Changes happen from within, when we are stupidly searching the whole world.