A Fool For All Reasons

Idiots of March are past and gone,
And the frolic of fools is upon,
Breezes of change set in motion
With undeceived eyes now open.

The inconsolable laughter still reels
In distant memory as it seals.
Where less than three is always one,
Yet belonging, questioned in fun.

Reason loses this battle within,
Yet in is not out, the world is seen.
The mischievous, the cad,
The broken ballerina, completely mad.

Now watch and learn strength endure
Pursued progress will secure.
Of what is shown, false or true
Will win the bet to accrue.

Boisterous and witty and charming and gay,
Even before the Morons of May.
Devoured in pain through every season,
But no more a fool for all reasons.

Indifference

Stabbed once too many times,
The heart no longer holds love's chime.
The soul witness to blatant betrayal
Understands, what the malicious mind had denied.

No more love, hate, or spite,
Or even wondering what might.
Ridicule, humiliation, ego thwart
The chance to move forward than behind.

Let go long ago, to be bound right here,
Every step ahead stained with mist sheer.
Pain numbed with defeated emotions,
An epitome of nothing held dear.

Deemed evil, whore, a doer of wrong,
Deeds, not words, that make strong.
Lips parted in sounds of silence
To stand up against the upsurge of violence.

Determined a path of cruelty none,
The sum of all lost, is still one.
Truth in every proposed path of existence,
Nothing left to feel, but complete indifference.

Silence

Nothing more powerful than the words in my mind.
Their soft kisses on my lips just to be kind.
Their long winding path from the brain to the mouth
But the tracks broken, they head to the heart.
And Silence.

Jumbled, incoherent, seemingly meaningless now,
What was once spoken in truth and emotion
Just lies there in devotion.
Seeing with the heart, understanding with ears
But Silence.

Dented life's curve with tears now numb
Straightened life's course to the impossibly hard.
Need out trumps promises discard
To the triumph of revenge, life goes on.
So Silence.

Patience and faith are all that remain
Not knowing my place, just a part of the game.
Hit and hurt, screams endure
Bruised egos to suffer till time turns dear.
Yet Silence.

Moving ahead, so easy to do
Yet stuck in a box with no lock to undo.
If truth be the answer, for all else failed
Nothing else matters but me to be blamed.
Now Silence.

Diseased

I was diagnosed yesterday with a relapse of something I've had in my youth, but somehow it seems to have mutated into a far deadlier form. The doctor, who diagnosed me, was rather curt in bearing the tidings ( probably a double masters or PhD with a core competency in engineering). I, on the other hand, took the news rather well, considering. Yes, my foreseeable life, as I know it, has shortened, but has not ended...yet.

Since the abrupt news, I have been contemplating several things about my life. Could I have prevented this the second time? Could I have lead a more conformed life? Why me? You know, the usual round of denial, anger, ignorance, and so on, till I finally arrived at the last stage, of acceptance. I have a mutated disease that I, and medical science, can no longer do anything about. It isn't a rare condition, just one that most who have it, do not, will not, talk about. Physically I'm pretty much the same, a hot size 4 with buns of steel and fists to match. I don't feel any different than I did yesterday or the day before, except maybe the heightened sense of clobbering someone over the head with a 'stop being a mean bastard' stick, and the occasional well timed gag reflex. Psychologically, however, I've been going through a myriad of emotions that I, as usual, chalked up to 'that time of the month or year or life', but have come to the devastating conclusion, it ain't so!

So, as any 'I'm not a doctor, but I can find out exactly what I've got' kinda person, I researched my condition. The symptoms listed are an exact reflection of what I'm going through, and they are as follows:
1. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is no longer viable.
2. Sudden unprecedented bouts of intolerance to the lowest forms of human beings.
3. Heightened intolerance to abuse, abusers, users, maltreaters, and other such types.
4. Decreased decibel clearance with even lower verbal output.
5. Excessive use of silence, not as a weapon, but for self-control.
6. Precise and exponential use of claimed logic against the user
7. Severe allergic reactions to sheer dumbassed, sociopaths with psychotic abusive tendencies stemming from lineage, and severe mix of ethanol infused logic. Could result in anaphylactic shock of said allergent.
8. Possible hot flashes.

Damn! the last one completely threw me off. I thought that wasn't supposed to happen for another few years. Now, I know I am suffering from the 'say it like it is' disease, addled with the deathly form of extreme sarcastic bitchy-ness. Is there nothing right in this world?

No! So deal with it! I am.

If I were a man...

If I were a man, the things I would do...
I'd show my worth, and my core values too.
Each woman in my life would be put in her place.
I'd start with the wife, to continue the rape
For the truth she shows, bind harder, no escape.
I'd slap her, like I did my mother
To appease my male ego, I'd be like no other.

If I were a man, I'd earn big bucks
But for the girl child, she could live in muck.
I'd drink and make merry, and invest in me too
And feign interest, when pointed at true.
I'd be educated, well read, and earn my bread,
But at home I'd lie on the floor upon my bed.
I'd think rich thoughts to earn my accolades,
But practice poor, till real life is dead.

If I were a man, I'd impose my rule,
I'd hold the purse strings, and preach like a mule.
I'd have double standards, and expect the world
Give nothing back, 'but it's all in my word!'
Take, take, take till it's all wrung dry
Then blame someone else, till blood they cry.
Truth and integrity are values I voice
But don't worry, I can manipulate their choice.

If I were a man I could do no wrong,
I'd demand respect and love, as if a radio song.
Take my mother, I didn't want her anyway
And what to do of the other, she just won't go away!
I'll trample and trod till I get what I want
Better get used to it, now it's a wont.

NO!

If I were a man, I'd give her the As.
Attention, Appreciation, Affection.
For without her, I wouldn't be there.

Night Queen

Today, I planted a tree
In your name,
To show you what you mean to me.

There isn't a day
You're far from my thoughts.
Your beautiful face always seeing me.

You saw me born, reborn
Grow and live
A shade of you, but totally me.

Yours is an image I strive to reach,
The love, the warmth, the carefree.
Things you taught, not just me.


I live my life, now,
With a strength, a purpose, a force
That was yours in teaching me.

Your smile endures in my memory,
Though you made me cry in earnest,
For leaving me.

In your name I planted a tree.
To keep your spirit near.
I miss and love you Grandma....

That's why the Night Queen.