Monday, December 21, 2009

When Pigs Fly

It's the season to get warm, feed well and proliferate. I'm definetly one for the feed well and proliferate, but it seems I've got enemies. I thought it was going to be easier, as the temperatures dropped, to spread my wonderful warmth and humor, but it doesn't seem like everyone's inviting. It's hard being a virus, especially me ... H1N1.

It's wierd. I've been called a lot of things, and none of them too nice. I suppose that shouldn't surprise anyone since I've been known to jump from pigs to the human, like there's a difference. But seriously, why does everyone treat me like I'm a murderer? Some of my friends, like the seasonal flu guy, are 10 times more potent than I am. But no, let's all just blame the Swine flu! Come on people, there is a big differnce between him and me. I just last a few days longer and may just give you a lung infection, but who wouldn't.

Let's also discuss the testing theory. Humans are a crazy lot. They think if they figure out what virus they have it will reduce their suffering. That's the dumbest thing I've heard! Yes, you'll know what you have, but it doesn't change the fact that you've already got it. But the best is, when they test positive for me, people assume it's the worst thing in the world to have. Haven't they heard of HIV? I'm no where near the same damn thing!! I'll give you a cold, cough, headache and fever for a few days. If you're dumb enough to have been sick or have an underlying medical condition, then I'll make it slightly worse. But hey, what's the worse that could happen? Oh yeah, death!
When it comes to death, let me tell you the statistics. The seasonal fellow ends up killing about 10-15 thousand every year, but everyone's fine with him being around. I've barely touched that number. It's because I'm new isn't it? I'm the newcomer and everyone treats me like shit! Not fair! I could even go as far as calling this racism! I'm not that bad...really!

The craziest thing is that people think they can get rid of me if they take vitamins or prophylactic treatment of antibiotics. Hello! I'm a virus not a bacteria! There is no way in hell you're going to avoid me. You may be more resistant to me, all those stupid WBCs  in your blood. But the fact is, the only way anyone can keep me at bay is by washing their hands as often as they can, and how many humans actually do that? I'm going to have a party!! Schools, malls, public transportation systems, anywhere there's more than one person is my playground. I can't believe humans are naive  enough to think they can get rid of me.
You'd need a world full of clean people, or atleast people with clean habits. Yeah, that'll happen, When Pigs Fly!!

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