Call me crazy. Hey, I heard that! I seem to have found another way of pissing people off. It's easy when you understand how.
I have harbored a, not so secret, desire, for what feels like years. Some could interpret it as a juvenile need to lash out. But honestly, at my age, it's probably more a middle-aged need to lash out. To think a nice, docile, down to earth kinda lady like myself (Stop Laughing!!) could even contemplate something of this magnitude will shock the pants off many people. But alas, that is the way of being adamant.
I have given the matter much thought. Thought of the immediate and long term repercussions of my intended actions. What would my children think of me? Would I be able to explain my long researched, ambitious undertaking to those who matter? Would I be able to look my self in the mirror and be proud? Well, my kids have to live with the realization that their mom is now old enough to make decisions for herself. Since the undertaking is pretty well researched, convincing those who matter should be a cake walk. However, if they refuse to see it my way... suck it up and live with it! And as for me looking at myself in the mirror, that shouldn't be a problem, since I plan to put it behind me immediately.
Yes, I'm ready. I think I've reached a point in my life where I can take such a daring step. From what I've read, many women have taken the leap forth, although some have regretted it. But what is life if you don't try things at least once! It's now or never, or maybe in a few months, but my mind is set. I no longer have qualms about doing what I choose to do, perhaps because the ultimate consequences have to be borne by me and no one else. The scardy cat in me has now transformed into a fighting tiger. So, mom and dad, always remember, I am still the same little girl with the gurgling laugh, the same beautiful child who gave you grief. This decision will not change me.
Like they say, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger! And, a tattoo will not kill me...or will it?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
KAK
My body is, now, a temple...an ancient one. The graffiti of bruises, the cracked pillars of bone, the infallible construction of muscle, all a testament to the grueling devotion I have undertaken for the last year. I am passionate about very few things, mostly because things don't hold my interest for more than my six year old's ability to do math (2 minutes, yeah, she's good!). But to find an art form, a science, a skill that has me enthralled and coming back for more is truly inspirational.
It has been a year, almost to the day, that I embarked on what I thought would be an activity that would, if nothing else, keep me engaged with my children for an hour, three times a week. Well, I was wrong! The kids have found it tiresome, sometimes down right irritating to see my growing enthusiasm for an activity that was meant for their learning. To add to their woes, I also introduced a reluctant friend to the fun, who in turn, dragged her child in. Now a year later, the not so lush grounds of our apartment complex are taken over by 10 children (preteen) and 2 women, past their mid-thirties, engaged in a cacophony of Hoos and Has, dedicated to improving their skills in Karate.
Yes, you read right! Karate! We have all traversed the mediocre to the not so bad levels, achieving accolades on the way. Every class is a schedule made for a mortal combat training movie, with the main character (me) being beaten up just enough to survive the stretcher. The kids love that, especially mine. But I have come to realize that with each punch, block and kick I become more enthusiastic, many a times, to my own detriment. I have watched the other participants for signs of 'throwing in the belt', but most are just as crazed as me.
My partner in karate, in all honesty, was expected to drop out first, months ago, but has been nothing but the Great Wall of China. Her unwavering determination to regularly attend class and also ensure her daughter learns, finally paid off, when she punched a man for misbehaving with her children. The fact that she punched the miscreant isn't really worth the mention. The feeling of being in command, fearless, and showing her protective prowess, however, have made her a hero in my eyes. I am not a fighter by nature, and I know for a fact that neither is she, but to take a step in that direction for the right cause and not back down, is commendable. Her action has encouraged her daughter to take up Karate more seriously, and I think, that is reward enough.
So, as I start my second year of strengthening not just my body but also my mind, in an endeavor which was first ill received, I know for sure that even when I move on from this place to my next abode, there will be those who carry the torch forward. Now I just have to figure out why I pay to get my ass kicked in public on a regular basis, and still love it. Oh! because it's Kick Ass Karate.
It has been a year, almost to the day, that I embarked on what I thought would be an activity that would, if nothing else, keep me engaged with my children for an hour, three times a week. Well, I was wrong! The kids have found it tiresome, sometimes down right irritating to see my growing enthusiasm for an activity that was meant for their learning. To add to their woes, I also introduced a reluctant friend to the fun, who in turn, dragged her child in. Now a year later, the not so lush grounds of our apartment complex are taken over by 10 children (preteen) and 2 women, past their mid-thirties, engaged in a cacophony of Hoos and Has, dedicated to improving their skills in Karate.
Yes, you read right! Karate! We have all traversed the mediocre to the not so bad levels, achieving accolades on the way. Every class is a schedule made for a mortal combat training movie, with the main character (me) being beaten up just enough to survive the stretcher. The kids love that, especially mine. But I have come to realize that with each punch, block and kick I become more enthusiastic, many a times, to my own detriment. I have watched the other participants for signs of 'throwing in the belt', but most are just as crazed as me.
My partner in karate, in all honesty, was expected to drop out first, months ago, but has been nothing but the Great Wall of China. Her unwavering determination to regularly attend class and also ensure her daughter learns, finally paid off, when she punched a man for misbehaving with her children. The fact that she punched the miscreant isn't really worth the mention. The feeling of being in command, fearless, and showing her protective prowess, however, have made her a hero in my eyes. I am not a fighter by nature, and I know for a fact that neither is she, but to take a step in that direction for the right cause and not back down, is commendable. Her action has encouraged her daughter to take up Karate more seriously, and I think, that is reward enough.
So, as I start my second year of strengthening not just my body but also my mind, in an endeavor which was first ill received, I know for sure that even when I move on from this place to my next abode, there will be those who carry the torch forward. Now I just have to figure out why I pay to get my ass kicked in public on a regular basis, and still love it. Oh! because it's Kick Ass Karate.
Monday, January 3, 2011
2011 Things to do
Before jumping into what could possibly be the most thought out list of things I've ever come up with (in my opinion), I must first thank all those who read my thoughts, however inappropriate, crazy, delusional they may be. It would seem I'm more of an exhibitionist than I thought. Hey, if it makes me try harder to be better, it's worth it. So, thank y'all!
Second, this year, after much deliberation, I have come to the realization that keeping resolutions is just a waste of time, especially if you're anything like me, and practice the art of procrastination with the type of expertise that only the dead can match. It's not to say I didn't fulfill most of my resolutions last year, I actually did, except maybe the screaming one, although in all fairness I have toned down enough to stop legislative action from construction company next door. Oh, and I may have gone a little overboard with the 'tolerate stupid people' one, which has changed with immediate effect. All in all, not a bad year last year. I am now capable of kicking ass, or at least pretending to, while conversing in Espagnol with the fluency of a babbling baby. But this year I have no resolutions.... only a list of things I need to do.
I'm not going to bore you with all 2011 things I'm aiming to do, that would be like an imposition, besides, my typing speed sucks. The list is divided into 5 categories and here are the top takers of each.
1. Quit smoking. Before all ye nay sayers start with the 'Oh it's not going to happen, it's so hard', I am only aware of the consequences of failure...so GET OFF MY BACK!!
2. Ask for help with investing. My 'wealth management' skills are directly proportional to my risk taking ability and rests on the alpha of my funds availability. Exactly!!
3. Write. I know, I know. that's what I'm doing right now, but what I'm talking about is writing what I really want to write about.......I'll come to that later!
4. Gain some peace of mind. In other words... stop putting up with other people's bullshit. I refuse to even differentiate between morons and megamorons.
5. Be explicitly honest. Someone wise once said 'tell the truth, and run!'. I for one don't plan to run...I know karate!
Whatever 2011 may bring in its wake, you'd better be sure, I'm ready and meeting it head on. Wish you all a year that you want.
Second, this year, after much deliberation, I have come to the realization that keeping resolutions is just a waste of time, especially if you're anything like me, and practice the art of procrastination with the type of expertise that only the dead can match. It's not to say I didn't fulfill most of my resolutions last year, I actually did, except maybe the screaming one, although in all fairness I have toned down enough to stop legislative action from construction company next door. Oh, and I may have gone a little overboard with the 'tolerate stupid people' one, which has changed with immediate effect. All in all, not a bad year last year. I am now capable of kicking ass, or at least pretending to, while conversing in Espagnol with the fluency of a babbling baby. But this year I have no resolutions.... only a list of things I need to do.
I'm not going to bore you with all 2011 things I'm aiming to do, that would be like an imposition, besides, my typing speed sucks. The list is divided into 5 categories and here are the top takers of each.
1. Quit smoking. Before all ye nay sayers start with the 'Oh it's not going to happen, it's so hard', I am only aware of the consequences of failure...so GET OFF MY BACK!!
2. Ask for help with investing. My 'wealth management' skills are directly proportional to my risk taking ability and rests on the alpha of my funds availability. Exactly!!
3. Write. I know, I know. that's what I'm doing right now, but what I'm talking about is writing what I really want to write about.......I'll come to that later!
4. Gain some peace of mind. In other words... stop putting up with other people's bullshit. I refuse to even differentiate between morons and megamorons.
5. Be explicitly honest. Someone wise once said 'tell the truth, and run!'. I for one don't plan to run...I know karate!
Whatever 2011 may bring in its wake, you'd better be sure, I'm ready and meeting it head on. Wish you all a year that you want.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
@)!)!
2010! What a year it's been!
A year of love, of love lost.
A year of accolades and accusations.
A year of joyous togetherness, of pained separations.
A year of learning and being taught.
A year of devilish day-dreams and; ghoulish nightmares
A year planning, of realizations.
A year of Facebook, of facing the book
A year of finding myself and; losing completely
A year of serene moments filled with anger
A year of drama with a silent audience
A year of violence, touched with care
A year of highs and; hangovers
A year of midnight messages, of mid-morning calls
A year of being brain-washed and coming out clean
A year of confused emotions, of decisive action
A year of connecting with old friends and; making new enemies
A year of flowing poetry, of blocked prose
A year of unbridled laughter, of unrelenting tears
A year of true friendship and; undeniable devotion
A year of playing games with no winners
A year of losing battles, of fighting wars
A year of being vain, but finding true beauty
A year contemplating and concluding
A year counselling and; being advised
A year of emotional deficiencies and logical growth
A year of learning new trick, but being the same old bitch
A year of have nots and can't get enough of
A year being a scardy-cat, but still coming out strong
A year of having faith, of breaking promises
A year of feeling close while being dejected
A year of numbered letters and letters read
A year of rumor mills and flowers grown
A year of inception with no results
A year of wanting, then giving it away
A year of looking at the past and seeing the future
A year of self discovery, of the capabilities I never knew I had
A year of figuring out the meaning of life, only to realize it's written in a different language
A year of understanding what I need to do
2010! A year etched in my memory....forever!
A year of love, of love lost.
A year of accolades and accusations.
A year of joyous togetherness, of pained separations.
A year of learning and being taught.
A year of devilish day-dreams and; ghoulish nightmares
A year planning, of realizations.
A year of Facebook, of facing the book
A year of finding myself and; losing completely
A year of serene moments filled with anger
A year of drama with a silent audience
A year of violence, touched with care
A year of highs and; hangovers
A year of midnight messages, of mid-morning calls
A year of being brain-washed and coming out clean
A year of confused emotions, of decisive action
A year of connecting with old friends and; making new enemies
A year of flowing poetry, of blocked prose
A year of unbridled laughter, of unrelenting tears
A year of true friendship and; undeniable devotion
A year of playing games with no winners
A year of losing battles, of fighting wars
A year of being vain, but finding true beauty
A year contemplating and concluding
A year counselling and; being advised
A year of emotional deficiencies and logical growth
A year of learning new trick, but being the same old bitch
A year of have nots and can't get enough of
A year being a scardy-cat, but still coming out strong
A year of having faith, of breaking promises
A year of feeling close while being dejected
A year of numbered letters and letters read
A year of rumor mills and flowers grown
A year of inception with no results
A year of wanting, then giving it away
A year of looking at the past and seeing the future
A year of self discovery, of the capabilities I never knew I had
A year of figuring out the meaning of life, only to realize it's written in a different language
A year of understanding what I need to do
2010! A year etched in my memory....forever!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Two Faced Dragon!
And you thought I was dead! Fat chance! I'm just slowly being crushed by the weight of the world, but that's for another post. This one is for those who judge without knowing.
I am interested in a lot of things in life but astronomy isn't really one of them. That is until recently. Not too long ago I was called 'Two Faced' for being born when I was. Now, being born isn't by choice. I did not choose to be born when I did, that was purely my parent's fault. But the fact remains, I was born a Gemini. I saw the collective 'Oh, that explains it.' However, as per my limited knowledge, there are a few million people who have the (mis)fortune of being born in the same Sun Sign. So, the question is: does that categorically put all the eggs in one basket or are any of us individuals?
So to quench my thirst for the absurd, I embarked on some research. Nothing too in-depth, since even I have a limited tolerance for stupidity. What I learned was ambiguous to say the least.
The Gregorian Calender is split into twelve signs...the Sun Signs. Based on the general signs & symptoms (of personalities), each sign is chalked out into various traits that a person born in that sign could exhibit. As per the most famous authority on the subject, Linda Goodman, Geminis exhibit dual personalities, are vivacious, harbor dark secrets, and can love & hate the same person at the same time (or was it love to hate? Should have finished the chapter. Damn!) For me, I am not bipolar, can be moody as hell, have no secrets from people who matter, and, Damn! should have finished the chapter.
On the other spectrum, the Chinese Calender is also split into twelve signs, but nothing as fancy as Sagittarius, Capricorn, or Aquarian. The Chinese have appropriately named their moon based signs after animals, which makes for funny reading. But, like the ancient Greeks, the Chinese have also generalized each sign's characteristics to ... counter the population problem. I am, according to the Chinese, a Dragon. A person who exhibits leadership, is strong of will, and will always stand by what they believe. I kind of like that, but then comes the dramatic picture of the world being over-run by Dragon people. Dictatorial, don't you think?
The Hindu religion's basis for astrological readings of a person is a little more specific, based on the time & place of birth, along with the family descent, and a few other things I couldn't keep my eyes open for. This is supposed to be quite specific, but after knowing some of my readings, it looked like shooting arrows in the dark. I am, according to my reading, a non-violent person. True, till you piss me off. I am closer to the opposite sex. That would explain why I've had three male cats as pets. That should give you a fair idea about how accurate this science can be.
No astrological reading, from any part of the world, can pin-point a person's personality or character. None can determine the exact path you will tread in your future or the choices you are given. No sign can tell you how to live your life. That is where the individual comes in. Each one of us determines our own course, no matter how good, bad or ugly it may be. No two lives are the same.
So to judge me based on when I was born is sheer ignorance in getting to know me. For I am more than a two-faced dragon. I am ME!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Questions??
Networking sites are awesome! You can do things that go beyond the realm of just getting connected with friends. One of my favorite applications is 'How well do you know .....?" quizzes. Considering most of my friends I'm connected with have been childhood friends, who (for many) I've not seen since, well childhood, it's always difficult to get an answer right. But hey what the heck, it's always worth a try, you'll never know what you learn about a person. So, in the same spirit I have, after much deliberation, concocted my own quiz, about myself (duh!). As readers, you are not obligated to answer. In fact, I really wouldn't advise it, probably because getting a straight answer on some of the questions may not be possible. But don't let me discourage you!
How well do you know... me?
1. How old am I? anyone who answers my chronological age wins this one.
2. Have I ever done anything bad to someone deliberately? Family is not allowed to answer this.
3. Why do I get the feeling most people I come in contact with, are out to get me?
4. Am I hormonally, psychologically or just emotionally challenged?
5. What's my favorite lingerie color?
6. Who's my bestest friend in the whole wide world?
7. Why do I feel ill-equipped to handle things?
8. Who can I blame (other than myself) for all the shit that happens in my life?
9. When will I become rich & famous? Must reflect date in the very near future.
10. What are my bad habits? Please limit to top 3.
11. How many new activities can I take up, simultaneously, to keep myself from leading a normal life?
12. Why do I feel really girlie-girlie every once in a while?
13.Who is my favorite superhero? Think bulging muscles, under extremely tight spandex, cropped at the right places.
14. Why can't people understand that I'm actually a nice person under a very fierce exterior?
15. When do I know I've grown up to raise my kids? Again, mom & dad...do not answer.
16. When will time travel be possible? Sorry...always wanted to know.
17. Do I ever get to spend time on an island with my cabana boys?
18. Will I ever be demanding enough to live my life on my terms?
19. Is it just me or does every one think I'm absolutely perfect? Be honest now!
20. What made you sit through this crap & even contemplate answering these questions?
Answer key:
A. yes
B. no
C. I don't know
D. I don't give a crap!
Now, let the game begin!
Friday, September 3, 2010
How do you feel today?
When I was 13, someone gifted me a poster with smiley faces (emoticons as they are called today) and the caption read "How do you feel today?" I thought, at that time, it was the cutest (don't use that word too often) thing ever. Every morning I'd get up and stare at the poster plastered on my wall, wondering "How do I want to feel today?" At that age, and most of the time growing up, the answer was nearly always 'Happy'. But as I transversed into adulthood, those emoticons needed some serious revamping.
Every e-mail or networking site have their version of the the smiley face characters to suit peoples' moods, but none of them include the real emotions that I've been feeling. I guess technology can only mimic humans to a certain extent, or maybe it's been kept away from the darker, more turbulent side of the human psyche, which may be a good thing (think terminator!)
But as I sit here trying to put my emotions into words, I wish there were emoticons to pictorially show what I feel. I want those computer geeks, sitting in their secluded wired rooms, to come up with something that really suits my mood. I want an emoticon for 'I feel euphoric and never want this feeling to end!' Would that be a colon followed by a double or triple D (:DDD)? But that just wouldn't do justice to the feeling of singing in the rain or flying through a night sky on a magic carpet, would it? How about one for 'I feel like trying something new today. (wink!!)'? I just visualized that one, and honestly, having a smiley face dipicting that mood just totally undermined it. And is there nothing in the emoticon world that can convey ' I feel like I achieve anything!'? As inept as I am in doing most things, there are certain times when a girl feels like she's done some good in her life and can continue it without a doubt.
Then again, where are the icons that say 'I feel like shit today'? I don't get up everyday ready to take on the world and fly through my life as if on a lark and a song. I do have my off days. My hair's a constant mess, my mood swings like a monkey in heat, and I get up ... feeling like shit! What about an icon for ' I wanna kick someone's ass'? More often than not, that's the feeling I've been living with. This icon would have to symbolize the emotion between anger and murder. What about one for 'I feel so lost and want to jump off the nearest cliff''? No, these are not suicidal thoughts, just a feeling of complete hopelessness when things I've tried so hard to achieve or do for others come to naught.
We've all been there, going through a myriad of emotions in a day that only seem to get numerous and sometimes deeper in times of trouble or when everything is more than hunky dory. So why can't the cyber world, that most of us now live in, emulate those? I suppose that's the beauty of being human. We all feel, however hard assed one may think they are. Yet every one of us shows 'their' emotions in their own way. And everyone's interpretation of someone else's emotion is based on personal perception. Wouldn't it be a dull world if we all felt the same thing at the same time?
Now that makes me feel almost human! ;)PD*
Every e-mail or networking site have their version of the the smiley face characters to suit peoples' moods, but none of them include the real emotions that I've been feeling. I guess technology can only mimic humans to a certain extent, or maybe it's been kept away from the darker, more turbulent side of the human psyche, which may be a good thing (think terminator!)
But as I sit here trying to put my emotions into words, I wish there were emoticons to pictorially show what I feel. I want those computer geeks, sitting in their secluded wired rooms, to come up with something that really suits my mood. I want an emoticon for 'I feel euphoric and never want this feeling to end!' Would that be a colon followed by a double or triple D (:DDD)? But that just wouldn't do justice to the feeling of singing in the rain or flying through a night sky on a magic carpet, would it? How about one for 'I feel like trying something new today. (wink!!)'? I just visualized that one, and honestly, having a smiley face dipicting that mood just totally undermined it. And is there nothing in the emoticon world that can convey ' I feel like I achieve anything!'? As inept as I am in doing most things, there are certain times when a girl feels like she's done some good in her life and can continue it without a doubt.
Then again, where are the icons that say 'I feel like shit today'? I don't get up everyday ready to take on the world and fly through my life as if on a lark and a song. I do have my off days. My hair's a constant mess, my mood swings like a monkey in heat, and I get up ... feeling like shit! What about an icon for ' I wanna kick someone's ass'? More often than not, that's the feeling I've been living with. This icon would have to symbolize the emotion between anger and murder. What about one for 'I feel so lost and want to jump off the nearest cliff''? No, these are not suicidal thoughts, just a feeling of complete hopelessness when things I've tried so hard to achieve or do for others come to naught.
We've all been there, going through a myriad of emotions in a day that only seem to get numerous and sometimes deeper in times of trouble or when everything is more than hunky dory. So why can't the cyber world, that most of us now live in, emulate those? I suppose that's the beauty of being human. We all feel, however hard assed one may think they are. Yet every one of us shows 'their' emotions in their own way. And everyone's interpretation of someone else's emotion is based on personal perception. Wouldn't it be a dull world if we all felt the same thing at the same time?
Now that makes me feel almost human! ;)PD*
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