Ode to 2012

What a year this has been! Full of change forced and forged.
A year in which lives transformed, not just personally. Where women were raped and left to die with the final blow from the honest MAN.
A year of the feminine awakening. Of knowing the way forward is to let go of the distorted past
What a year this has been! Of knowing true friendships and photo-shopped lives. Of being able to depend on only one.
A year in economical turmoil, all over the world, and knowing the real value of money. Selling wealth to survive, to understand and cherish everything intangible.
Courted, canned, closed and clued, a year full of nasty surprises with positive reactions. Being re-elected, based on limited skill, just to be used and thrown.
What a year this has been! With a world destined to doom, yet surviving the worst catastrophic event of all....nothing.
A year that subtracted just enough to multiply. Emotions, wealth, perspective, ideology, strength and spirituality. With implicit deep rooted belief and knowledge of winning.
A year of being strategically tested and tactically tempered, with little to show for it. Finding unwavering confidence in an another's life.
What a year this has been! Questionable poetry, personal prose and those lives unaffected by tragedy or love. Prolific yet subdued.
A year marred with the expectedly unexpected, the demonically mean, the unfairly beautiful, the tortuously gentle, the honest dissimulator, of confiscated belongings, and a lonely soul.
A year with an abundance for senile memory and a champion's heart. Least coveted, but thoroughly lived with aberrations paid in kind and more.
What a year 2012 has been! A year to open the most blinded eyes. A year to define a life or several.

A year to me.

Mission: Totally Possible!

I have come to a point in my eventful life, where the time has come (again) to obtain and continue a long-term, mutually beneficial, cordial and hopefully entertaining relationship. No, Not marriage! I usually don't make the same mistake twice. I was talking about employment. It has come to pass, that economics, family dynamics, and the keeping of bare-minimal sanity, necessitates me to garner high-income employment. But finding a job in my chosen profession, in a place that struggles to feed a major chunk of its population, while staving-off epidemics of new-age diseases; is like shooting a dead rat with a 16 ton missile.

In the last 6 months I have, with some level of success, applied to approximately 500 jobs.  In a desperate attempt to get work, I have applied to positions I have held in the past, I could do, have some knowledge in, have imagined myself doing, could attempt at least once in a lifetime, heard about from others; all on the premise of my functional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual caliber and my resume. Numerous positions were instantaneously dismissed, due to the lack of enthusiastic dispersal of funds. Multiple positions were refused for the sheer 'lack of enough of experience', even when I explained that I could only get experience if someone gave me the job. That explanation has not passed muster, yet.

The other, more devastating, reason for refusal has been 'over-qualification'. For those of you who have never been turned down for a reason such as this, please remember, you're bloody lucky! It is the most queerest feeling to be told that the job you have applied for, is beneath you, and to take you on for such a position of employment would squander not just your talent, but also their money! Yup, been there, done that, and it is not fun!

Thus in the light of recent life-changing events, and lack thereof, I have decided to tackle the gnawing problem of partial, substandard, employment with a straight forward approach. I shall attempt to chronicle all those details about me that prospective employers demand in their brightest and most promising employees. It is going to mean a series of posts that go far beyond the resume. This looks longer than an all-nighter, and I don't wish my current position on anyone. But as the true masters say, what doesn't kill you, will hurt like hell!

So, with the voice over of the guy from Mission: Impossible, who keeps egging Ethan Hunt on to take the damned mission, playing in my head; my goals are set. My Mission: Totally Possible! Job: Hunt: Live!

8 Simple Rules

Life is full of shit! And then, it gets worse!

For those who haven't guessed by now, for the lack of reading, I haven't  actually been having "The Time of My Life" for the past, umm, few years. Gawd! If my therapists could see me now! But through all the turmoil that I galantly wade through, or crap I get sucked into, I have learned some very important life lessons. Today, I take it upon myself to do a social service, and duely impart a very small portion of  my hard gained knowledge.

1. Be kind and considerate, even if it kills you, and it probably will. But always remember, just because I'm kind and take your viewpoint into my consideration, it does not imply that I'm a push over or that you can walk all over me. Not anymore!

2. Never miss an opportunity to laugh, especially when you don't want to. I have gone from feeling like a satarical, melodramatic, suicidal ninkampoop to a premenstrual, peri-menopausal pimple faced teenager on a 7-Up binge (Oh yeah!). But the one thing that has kept me on this here planet is the ability to laugh at myself, and with other. It is the one thing that never fails to bring back the optimist. If nothing else, it is a sure way of pissing off your enemies!

3. Always strive to improve yourself. I am Superwoman, but I still can't do everything....at least not all at once. The one thing that always helps to keep people out of trouble is to learn a new skill set or try new experiences. Can't think of anything? Take steps to improve your own health, for he who can take care of himself, will take care of others. I am now contempleting diving, head first, into the wonderful world of hand-painting and finger print forensics, after my marathon training.

4. Never judge others. I have learned, often at the expense of an audience, that people, no matter who, will judge you before you open your mouth, and again, when you do, without even taking the time and energy to get to know you. We all have our stories. We should be grateful we get the opportunity to live them.

5. Trust no one! But always believe in those who really matter! After much deliberation and thought I have come to believe that no one in this world will live your life for you, and the decisions you make will ultimately impact you more than anyone else. But in the process of 'living your life your way' never lose tract of the people who have always stood by your side, especially those who are kind and considerate. Have faith in those few.

6. Have no expectations. This is perhaps the most difficult of the lessons learned. Humans are genetically pre-disposed to expecting something, no matter how small, in return for something done. We live in a world of transactions. It is one of the most liberating ideas...to give without the expectation of receiving anything in return. It is also the most difficult to practice. But please keep in mind, just because I give, doesn't mean I can't stop!

7. Know those who matter. Disassociate yourself from the following people: negative persons, people who don't appreciate you, people who take you for granted, persons who cannot be happy for you. If you sat and thought about all the people you know, there are many who fall into at least one of the above catagories. Think about it. At your very worst, how many people have stuck around, talked you out of annihilating entire generations of the populace? How many can you count on, even if it's just to cheer you up? And who amongst your large entourage of known people, would you stick your neck out for, time and time again, no questions asked? Those are who matter most!

8. Don't give up on love. I was once told that there's no such thing as love, and for the longest time had believed it. But it's just not true. Like the song goes "Love is all around", we just have to open our eyes, hearts, and minds to feel it.

Just My Imagination

It's been a while since I last spewed my deliberate thoughts in a forum that gives me little in return than the pleasure of knowing that I find my  potential, and possibly, a socially acceptable form of release for my hairy musings. But as good things go, I was recently made vividly aware, in an equally public forum, that the life I have lived so far has been...imagination. Huh? My sentiment exactly! It seems that the real life I have lived for a good number of years, with all its shards, has been, well, imagined. Oh! and my version of my imagined life is...not correct, and has to be readjusted to fit a different description. I know, I get to relive some really 'fun' moments without the 'fun' (or is it the other way round?)

What I have found utterly facinating is that in the alternate, adjusted version of my life, I happen to be the villan of my own imagination. Isn't that cool? I am the bad guy who has an uncanny talent of screwing things up, especially the lives of people I adore. Now that's a skill set I wouldn't wish on anyone. I also happen to be a myriad of negative configurations in a completely positive surrounding, thus creating a clash of worlds. Yup, I am the antithesis of Sita, the epitome of feminity, goodness and godlyness (since its the festival season). Don't say you weren't warned!

With that said, I have finally comprehended that the world we live in offers us no relief for being a good or nice person. It will ultimately make absolutely no difference to anyone as to what happens to me, unless ofcourse I am either the richest person in the world, or have formulated the cure for AIDS or completely eradicated Poverty (all of which I am currently working on). The fate of an individual is perhaps pre-determined by the cosmos, but the way we choose to walk the path probably makes the biggest difference, not to others, but ourselves. In the end the choices we make impact no one else more than us. So, in the light of this eternal knowledge I choose to be the nice person that I am, be the personification of an individual so many insist I be, be the sacrificial lamb that bleats only praises for hipocrits and blasphemers as they would want it to be, and ultimately be treated as the stars have destined.

But that's just my imagination!

Courting Rules

Patience, a virtue touted by many
But, according to one, I don't have any.
So, using lack-lustre performing fools
I have learned some courting rules.

It won't matter how true I am
I'll be squished like a penniless bug by a frying pan
I could argue, scream, or cry a river
But its only four lives left to sever.

A process of purposedly prolonged torture
For love, right, wrong, lost future or just charter?
An apathy shown with such blatant conspiracy
Now it hits home...Hipocrisy!

What shoulda, woulda, coulda been
Is worth nothing more than the paper thin
One versus four completely out of balance
To stay strong is now the challenge.

Those innocent looks of love and devotion
All twisted for vengeful paternal projections
But the bearer not languid nor cruel
Will vanquish all monsters with courting rules.

Is Love Free?

A question asked in innocence and glee,
Makes one think, 'Is love really free?'
No price be placed or money to fling,
Like J Lo said...Love don't cost a thing.

But what of those butterflies that roar, or being a dope,
Or colors that appear in shades of pink and heliotrope?
What of those days spent in daydream bliss,
And touches, those looks, or that fleeting kiss?

What of those angonising eons in thought,
Of sleepless nights, and of wandering lost?
And those moments when nothing makes sense,
Of ultimatums, forced sacrifices, being fenced?

So, to answer a child's question clear and true
No amount of wealth will see you through.
Love cost nothing in terms of money,
But in lives, lived or lost, it ain't free honey.

Definitely You!

Another comment under an anonymous shroud
Of an imbecile with a lot to be proud.
Nothing shows stupid this clear
As copy-paste, how original my dear!

Let's bring out the past deleted by force
Implicating lives lived as coarse
To take things out of context by right
Or just trample and publicize by might

Support never taken, as offered none
All just talk and full of air, fun.
Always ahead of every curve ball
Lying in wait to see me fall

Admittance of love, hate and indifference true,
To change a mind that sees nothing new
End in sight, its all fallen through
Its not me, but definitely you!

Three Little Words...

You're an Idiot!
What an ass!
I hate you!
You really suck!
You disappoint me.
I said so!
I'm comfortably numb.
I love you.
Nothing else matters.
God, help me.
You complete me.
Deal with it!
Let it go.
What's going on?
You've moved on.
Never give up.
Truth never lies.
You are beautiful.
Don't hurt anyone.
Stay with me.
Heard it all!
Life's a bitch!
I hope so.

Sorry, Thanks, Please.

Succumbed

Ever wondered what'd be like
To have every wish come true.
Where every person's nice as punch
And haters less than few.

Ever wondered what'd be like
To live with minds and hearts opened.
Where experiences teach us to be better
Instead of bitterly deadened.

Ever wondered what'd be like
To be surrounded by love and laughter.
Where friendship means knowing the other
Even in the midst of slaughter.

Ever wondered what'd be like
To never be sick or poor.
Where all that you need is within reach
Without a price placed by the doer.

Ever wondered what'd be like
To never be falsely judged or numbed.
Where life would fall easily into place
Even to face a solitary fate, but not succumbed.

Let The Games Begin

The ball is rolled,
The die thrown,
The horse now out of its gate.

The summons scrolled,
The outcome known,
No step back...too late.

What should have been,
Now sees the fall,
To dust that's obsolete.

The result seen,
In deficient call,
Laid at mercy's feet.

The dung flung far,
Has hit its mark,
An obvious stink its made.

To fight a war,
With a failing spark,
Will use time to completely fade.

So as they said,
When the lions roared,
In bloodied arenas for picking.

The gladiator's not dead,
Till he's been gored,
Hurrah! Let the games begin.

You've Changed

The flirty giggle when sweetly spoken to.
The wrinkled nose, to displeasure shown
The belief that all are good until proven untrue
That being nice is not to be scorn.

Being open yet playfully curt
Showing emotion and feeling
Displays of anger and hurt
Of abandoned senses reeling.

Of caring when there's no need
Being supportive even through despair
Showing the true side to heed
Even when all's beyond repair.


Smiling and jesting through the remarks thrown
Believing the strength of love will rule
Accepting rejection with grace unknown
Always nearly the friend, but a bigger fool. 


No, I haven't changed
Just marred with questions unanswered
Or, you've just never seen
Everything I have willingly offered.

In Real Life

Years gone in the moments to come,
Yet drawn longer, forced by some.

Blamed thrice for vice of victimed virtue
And boasted on by emptied value.

Questioned and accused non-stop,
Laced with venomous love to top.

When one asks for what's rightfully owned
A cowered stance logically shown.

Contradictions in every avenue
Always ready to rake in revenue.


All at the expense of four not one
Fought out solutions fun for some.

Every separation to cost in tears
For choices made in vengeful fears.

Nothing more precious left to hold
When coldly framed for taken gold.

Now to end the war of roses
In real life, not in poses.

What?

A scary thought of being thought,

Of being watched with no eyes.

Of being read, like a book bought

Of having answered silent cries.

A profound feeling of being missed

Of knowing the other's mind

Of writing in tones hissed

Of having returned in kind.

A week's work for a job done

Of greetings by many an eager face

Of being encouraged by just one

Of finding one's true place.

A cacophony of spoken word

Of knowing things to be taught.

Of being caught completely off guard
Of feeling euphoric for 'what?'

                                         

Keep In Touch

Funny how these words are said

In a world connected in space instead.

Spoken in seeming earnest voice

But distorted through the mind's choice.

Of meetings from a distant past

That forge bonds built to last.

Other touched in cyber space

Even after a failed chase.

Blocked or offed, can't tell which,

A constant drone of a woman's pitch.

Now transparent in the value placed

Or just, as usual, readily replaced.

Never uttered words not meant

Even with a lifetime spent.

In brief a moment that binds forever

Yet same ones used to completely sever.

Warmth and love where felt in traces

Connect memories of beautiful faces

So every time it's said as such

Be the one to keep in touch.

Cellulite Free

Let's take a short break from all the depressing poetry, shall we? I will be returning to that dreary mood shortly.... but first something that's been on my mind, and other parts of me for a while.

I am not a fitness enthusiast, who is inclined to get up in the wee hours of the morning to go for a run in crappy weather, and come back feeling all chipper and fab. Oh wait! I did that today. Although I must admit, the enthusiasm was marred with a mean 'don't piss me off' scowl, and the chipper and fab was switched on only post the third strong coffee of the morning. But running I did go! I know, I know. Why would someone with such a fantastic figure and an amazing personality need to do something as extreme as .... exercise? Well, it wasn't for the endorphin!

I have been troubled, for a while now, by an unsightly condition that affects millions of people worldwide. It has no known cure except exercise and Photoshop. Yes, I'll admit it! I have cellulite! Up until recently I was the mistress of my body, with very little need to focus on me, internally and externally (I know, modesty truly becomes me). But since my last birthday, with little to celebrate but a number, I took a long a look at my self and realized the person in the mirror looked old and dare I say it, flabby. It wasn't just a physical reflection, but something from deep within that made this person appear, older, and well, flabbier than she actually needed to be. It was time for a total change.

I have learned in the last couple of years that not too many people are what they seem. Inside every unable, large bodied person is a smaller, fitter version just waiting to jump out. And when the inside and outside match, happiness happens. I also realized that each one of us is a victim of our own choices and nothing you do can ever change that. Therefore, I have decided to make better choices.

I am now living my life on my terms, as meager, as they may be. I will not subject myself to a life of Russian Roulette, to gamble my well being and happiness on someone else's choices for me. So, starting today, I run. Everyday. To move forward. To be the new and improved me. The cellulite free me.

Besides, it's less drastic than my technical skills playing with photoshop.

Nostalgia

Of dwellers, escapists, clingers, 

Of the past,

A temporary occupant, visitor,

Not built to last.

Each memory fresh as dew on snow,

Yet advanced without letting go.

Reminders plenty as corners turned,

But propelled fore, lest burned.

Of laughter, tears, and torn visage,

Each story worthy of applause.

Shared and cherished not just by one,

Melting in a solitary sun.

Every adventure piqued the senses

Of moments made, now in fences.

Appreciated, lost, often learned,

Repetition never confirmed.

Of nostalgia tis said true,

Each character is as you knew.

Nothing can now change a past,

Precocious step lay the cast,

Of future moments, yet to add

To enigmatic new fads.

Boldly venture, to each his own,

Yet forever connected, as if sown.

Not A Friend

A constant reflection
Of who I was, am, and can be.
A spirited inspiration
Of need fulfilled not easily.

A tearing thorn
Of truth kept and lies told.
A laughing clown
Even as the tears roll.

A formidable strength
Of endurance and tolerance.
An intense inquisitor
Of faith and allegiance.

An incessant reminder
Of possibilities unexplored.
A gentle thruster
To directions unknown.

An encapsulation
Of everything yearned.
A depictation
Of all that is yet to be earned.

A mirror
But not.
A friend
But not.

Insane

Bitch
Unwanted
Useless
Derogatory
Pessimist
Wicked
Conceited
Sucker
Gullible
Whore
Manic
Pathetic
Floosy
Depressed
Conniving
Lost
Mystical
Old
Battered
Sarcastic
Funny
Pretentious
Dramatic
Foolhardy
Melancholy
Insomniac
Whimsical
Spontaneous
Unattractive
Demonic
Evil
Broke
Crazy
Liar
Silent
Obnoxious
Ferocious
Ambiguous

Everything but Insane....for now!

Objects in the Mirror

Objects in the mirror, never,
Appear as they seem.
Demented and twisted words
Believed only by the keen.
Faith for the wicked, trusted by the cruel,
Thought they had me covered,
But they're over by the mule.
Every action forward,
Is hindered by the few,
As if in reward
To lay the body strewn.
Conviction and belief in self
Now runs deeper than blood,
Change is the only constant,
Even when covered in mud.
Two steps forward, three steps back,
Will never propel to where it's at.
The distance covered from here to there
Will transform lives just like that.
For better or for worse,
Chanced in cake.
Tolerance vanquished by curse.
To know what's what, and really fake.
Measured words for precise action
Will lay the stage to judge.
To tweak their lives with satisfaction
When nothing has been fudged.
Destiny is for the making
To leaps and bounds ahead.
There is no more looking back
Or else, I might as well be dead.

Donkey on my back!

I trudge through life,
Fumbling, tripping, weighed down,
Unsure of where to take the next step,
With a donkey on my back.

A conscious decision, taken years ago,
To bite me in my ass.
Running away would be far too easy,
But for the donkey on my back.

Look at the bright side
I'm always a step ahead, and
Covered from the rain, but get to see no sunshine
With the donkey on my back.

Tried prying, shaking, rolling on the ground,
But made me just the same.
And changing constantly, drives me insane
Because of the donkey on my back.

Need to shed this extra weight,
But no diet does the trick.
Now brain-aerobics will make it stick
For the donkey on my back.

So into the Queen of Hearts I turn
Yet slow to command, 'Off with its head!'
Either its me,
Or the donkey on my back.